mother’s thoughts

“When one becomes a Mother, her life is no longer her own.”

Every mother will agree to this. If we go back to those days when all that matters were breastfeeding and baby clothes, we’ll all realize that being a mom is the hardest and rewarding part of a woman’s life. You will suddenly realize that shower is such a luxury; you can no longer take your “me time” in an hour. You have to make sure that everything is done (shampooing and conditioning your hair, rubbing off those dead skin cells using your favorite strawberry scented shower gel) in less than 15 minutes (phew). You will also realize that your perfume for the past couple of days, weeks, months is your self-produced breastmilk. Sounds too much? But yeah, this is true most of the times. There will be a lot of privileges that’ll be taken away from a woman once she becomes a fully-dedicated mother to her children. So who says that being a mom is an easy task? It’s one of the difficult jobs in the world.

I can still remember when I still don’t have Saab in my life and all that matters to me is my career and myself; not to mention my shoe and bag  addiction as well as the pleasure that I get in travelling.  I thought I have the best things in life, I get to enjoy my sleep every weekend without being bothered by my sister. I get to buy stuff that I want whenever I get my pay. I get what I want whenever I want something (well, in most cases). But everything changed when I found out that I am pregnant with Saab. I had this mixed emotions that women get to actually have. (you know, the fast-forward-thinking-thing, the what-if’s, the how’s) but at the back of my mind I was actually thrilled and surprised. Unlike any other normal pregnancy, it has become a real challenge for me since we found out that I had  a right ovarian cyst (dermoid cyst). Though it was non-malignant, it really scared me to death since I was advised by my OB-Gyne to have it removed while I am pregnant. It was a stressful situation to undergo, especially when you are in the peak of your career and you are excited to become a mom at the same time. I was advised that it can be bad for me and the baby if it ruptured, so we need to have a quick decision. I was four months pregnant when I had the operation. I had good and accommodating doctors (Thank GOD!) but the fear is still there. I had to undergo the same procedure with ceasarean section so they can take out the entire right ovary since the cyst is getting bigger and Saab is also growing so fast. Just imagine the pain I had to undergo having that 5 inched stitches while having a growing baby inside my belly. The doctors needed to check on me and the baby every hour to make sure that we’re both okay. The good thing is, it went well.

Carrying Saab inside my womb for 9 long months is a challenge. (financially, emotionally, psychologically and physically) Don’t get me wrong, like any other mother I had that ups and downs  when I was pregnant. I had those frantic days, when I get easily upset about little things. The unnatural emotions a woman feels when she cannot do what she wants (like hanging out with friends on a late Saturday night). Feeling envious of those stilettos from a random girl in the mall. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. suddenly changed.

But then again, I will say this and I will never get tired of saying this; the day I first set my eyes on Saab is priceless. When I finally got the chance to meet her and see her face-to-face for the first time, I could not be any happier. All that I’ve wanted, those shoes and bags and all the places I wanted to go to suddenly disappeared and all that was left is her and me. It made me proud of myself knowing I was able to surpass the pain of labor, the morning sickness and the sleepless nights.

Having Saab in my life is never easy, having children is never easy. There will be a lot of adjustments that need to be done. Once we become parents, it is more than just a task but it is a lifetime commitment. We always think about them first before ourselves. We learned the true meaning of selfless love. We understood the importance of being strict. We realized the value of discipline. We understood the importance of saving for the future.

To all mothers out there, I know you also have your own story to share. Our children will only be a child once, so let us embrace it with love, understanding and acceptance. It takes a lot of time and effort to raise kids but seeing them growing up with the right guidance from us is such an honor.

So what are you waiting for? Go home to your kids and hug them, tell them how much you love them and shower them with hugs and kisses.

Steph ☺

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